chasing pavements that lead no where. and Adele song, and my life. Usually.

I am going through this awkward stage in life that I like to call "everyone coming home from their missions". 

While I love my guy friends that have arrived home and I have enjoyed seeing them there for a few-you get to that point sitting there in the living room , listening to them-and without knowing it, realizing how much you don't have in common with them anymore. 

Not only how much you don't have in common with them anymore-but that you probably won't ever again. It's pretty sad really. You've known these people essentially your whole adolescent lives. Experienced life's dramas with them. The public break ups of so and so, that one time what's his name got yelled at in English class...and so on. 

These people that you have all of this history with suddenly become just that. History. The un-relatable, cute but awkward guy friends you once were so close to that now only know the person you were two years ago, and not the person you are today. 

Of course there are some cases where this isn't so. I can count on a couple fingers some of these young men that have come home that I talk to daily, hang out with on a regular basis, and actually miss them when i don't see them for a few. 

The majority however, not the case.

Last night I realized that insecurities and jealousy are very prominent in my life at this time. A good friend of mine going through some pretty rough stuff sat and related to me on this last night and reminded me that we are not alone in this, and we never will be. Someone, somewhere will always feel this way at some point in their lives, and that's okay.  

The feelings of inadequacy, self doubt, loneliness and sometimes just downright depression creep over this time in our lives like a little rain cloud over a blue sky. 

So how do we deal, you ask? How do we snap ourselves out of this? How do we get through the day to day while everyone around you dates, finds themselves, and lives these seemingly perfect lives whilst you have a dark cloud ruining your pretty blue sky? 

 "tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther ...and So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."- The Great Gatsby

I told a good friend last night my feelings. "I spent the night back in high school" I said to him. 

His response? "Well why the heck did you do that? You graduated, you're done with that girl! Why would you go back?"

Fact. 

The person I am today is not who I was two years ago. I have grown into who I am today for a reason, and i'll continue to grow into who I am daily. Why would I go back? 

I wouldn't. And I am not going to. 

"Would it be a waste, even if I knew my pace? Should I just keep chasing pavements even if it leads no where?"

Well, absolutely not Adele. I would not. 

Be the person you worked so hard to be today, because that person has a lot more polishing, and a lot more to them than who they were even yesterday. 

Be proud of that. It took me all evening to figure out that I was. 

Happy Wednesday everyone.