To the old AND the new.

I love the Holidays. Something about them is just magical, isn't it?

I got to spend the Holiday's this year with my family in St George. It was a warmer Christmas than usual, and I missed the snow, but I didn't miss out on my family time which is what matters most. 

With the New Year approaching, I thought it would be best to dedicate this post to a couple of things. 

~~~

First off, I want to take the time to remember a very special man that left our lives 4 years ago yesterday. I can't believe it's been 4 years already. I feel like so much has changed, while at the same time--everything feels just the same! I miss him every day, and think about him just as much. I know he watches over us and puts special people in our lives to remind us of him, and tangibly feel him. 

I was really close to Matt, so it was really hard for me to lose him. And, when my mom began dating again, I was a bit learly to let someone new in. However, this break I had the opportunity to really bond with the latest addition to our family--Paul. 

Now, he's been there for a while, and we've always gotten along, but those few days I stayed with him and Mom I saw first hand just how truly lucky Mom really is. He treats her like every woman should be treated, just like Matt did. He makes us giggle just like Matt did. He is so easy to tease, and is quick on the return just like Matt was. 

It really feels as if Matt stuck him right in my Mom's and our lifes at the right time and for the right reasons. Not only does he love my mom, but he loves us, and he shows us in the sweetest ways. 

So grateful! Thank you Matt for putting a piece of you in our lives. 

We love you and miss you always!

~~~

Secondly, I want to reflect on my year. I have had a couple friends come home from their missions in the past few months, and needless to say--it's been a little unnerving to be sitting there in the same chapel that you did 2 years ago and realizing that really the only major change in your life is half of your wardrobe is pretty freaky. I really started to feel pretty inadequate, and that I had all of these friends getting married, having babies, and returning from an honorable service to the Lord--and then there's just me.

What the heck have I done with my life? 

These past few weeks of the break I have had some awesome blessings come through, and some serious epiphanies. Of course things have changed for me in two years! I am a completely different person. I have fallen, scraped up my pride a little, bruised my heart, but i'm alive. 

The scrapes heal, the bruises lose color. 

Life. Goes. On. 

Really right under our noses, too. We don't realize our accomplishments enough, and so this year, along with my resolutions, I am making a list of the things that I have overcome. The experiences that have shaped me, and caused growth in my life. 

I am going to be grateful for the mishaps along with the miracles, the heartbreaks along with the heart warmers, and the friend lost with the friends gained. 

I am going to anticipate the New Year with ALL that it brings me. No matter what!

It's important to start over, yes, with new goals and anticipations. However, we need to remember the things that maybe hurt a little, but helped a lot in the long run. 

Here's to a fresh start because of the old shaping the new!!

You Humble Me, Lord.

They call this time in our lives "The Decade of Decisions".

How true that is. Never before in my 20 years of life have I been faced with more decisions, let-downs, confusion, heart break, and set backs than in this last year of my life. 

I have been truly molded to what my Heavenly Father knows is the best shape I should be, and I have been humbled in more ways than I ever knew possible. 

And guess what? I am SO eternally grateful for these lessons. 

I sat today and just sort of reflected on the past few months of my life. Went through old photos, read old journal entries and blog posts, and I realized amongst all of the humbling that has gone on in my life, there are so many more of the blessings. 

I have been stressing pretty bad these past couple of weeks with finals and grades, and also making sure I meet specific requirements for school. 

It got to a point the other day that I was so frustrated with the seemingly bleak situation I had in front of me that I began to doubt myself. --

Why can't I get the grades I feel like I deserve? Why can't I find a boy to marry? Why can't I get rid of those last few pounds that seem cemented on? 

Why don't I have all of the answers I feel like I need, right now?

After what seemed like endless breakdowns, I finally did what I had needed to do all along; put it in my Heavenly Father's hands. This is a lesson that has been very hard for me to do my whole life. I've always wanted to be in control, and doing what I felt is best. Obviously, I don't know what that is, and the many humbling events that have taken place these past few months have been a reminder of just that.

The result came to me today when I logged on to look at my final grades from this semester. Not only had I been able to pass, but whole letter grades were different than I had expected. My GPA had been raised a good amount, leaving no more room for anxiety and doubt.

I bear testimony that the only reason this happened, was a direct result of my faith in my Heavenly Father. The feeling that overcame me as I looked at that transcript was directly from my Father in Heaven.

"I love you," he seemed to say. "I know you personally, and your desires are important to me. You deserve this, Jessica." 

Through that feeling, every other doubt that had been weighing on my mind was silenced. Of course He hears my prayers. How could He not know me? 

As I flicked past those pictures, journal entries, and blog posts today-I had no doubt in my mind that every experience, heartbreak, confusion, or let down that has affected me has been for a reason. 

There is no such thing as a coincidence. But do you know what there is such thing as?-

Our Heavenly Father's love for each and every one of us. 

Truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart

No matter how hard you resist it
It never rains when you want it to

You humble me Lord

-Norah Jones

Alfie Boe is my boyfriend.

So let me just say that I LOVE Christmas.

This last Friday Spence had an extra ticket to the Mormon Tabernacle Christmas concert with Alfie Boe as a host.

For those of you who don't know who Alfie Boe is; he's a delicious british man who plays Jean Valjean in the 25th Anniversary Edition of Les Miserables. He can sing like an angel and looks like he sings. 

Anyway, it was the best concert I have been to. Towards the end of the concert, Tom Brokhaw came out to tell a story about an American pilot during WWII known as "The Candy Bomber" or "Uncle Wigglywings". He delivered candy to the children of Berlin via white parachutes. After the story, Hal Halversen himself (the "Candy Bomber") was there in the flesh, complete with our own white parachutes that fell from the ceiling. 

Seriously, the neatest stinking concert i've been to.

Afterwards Spence and I went to Deseret Book and met Alfie Boe in the flesh. And guess what? He's even sexier up close.

I love Spence for taking me!! It was a blast! 

I love this Gospel. I love that all different types of people from all over the world will come and sing with our choir, and can feel the spirit radiate. 

Also, I love Les Mis, and I cannot wait to see the new one!

Merry Tabernacle Christmas!!

It's not a Merry Christmas till the Finals have been taken.

Finals week=miserable. 

The worst feeling in the world is when you spend 7 hours in the library, and come home and feel as if you can't remember anything you just learned. 

Merrrrp. 

 The one happy part of finals week was my assignment today. 

I wrote kind of a cool paper today for my Stress Management class. I had to reflect on the things I've learned about myself and the main stressors in my life this semester. It ended up being pretty neat taking that time to really reflect on my life and all of the things that i've worked on and changed this semester.

It's crazy how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back--everything is different. 

It's good different, though. 

On the subject of  changes; this weekend I had the opportunity of shoving two full size walk in closets and stuffed rooms into one. It's a good thing we love our dear Mckenna because this was not an easy task. Our poor guy friends that helped us haul in way too much crap had to listen to us justify every article of clothing we needed to keep. 

I think the both of us received more disgusted looks that night than ever. 

Should I throw away my hospital socks? Probably. But what if I get invited to a hospital party? 

And NO I cannot take home my "summer" clothes, because I need them to layer with my fall clothes for the winter! 

Duh.

Best part? Camille got rid of a good box of clothes to clear out her closet and guess where half of them went? 

My closet. :)

hahahahahahahaha

Also, the amount of money we're saving a month due to sharing a room can result in more retail purchasing :)

Yeah. We have a slight problem. 

If you are a female in need of date attire, our closet is your one stop shop. 

On another note, our 2nd Annual Ugly Sweater Party was yesterday!

 We had quite the turn out complete with a yummy popcorn bar, hot chocolate topping station, photo booth with a professional photographer and our good friend Beth :), and plenty of festive decorations. 

Pictures are coming soon! 

I had so much fun hosting with two of my favorite gals, and seeing lots of familiar faces! College is just too fun!

Hopefully I can get through this dreaded finals week, and onto the fun filled festivities to come! 

I am traveling south for the Christmas holiday, and then on over to Colorado for New Years and the week to follow!

 I may even brave the slopes again. Maybe. 

Anyway, Happy Finals everyone!