To the old AND the new.

I love the Holidays. Something about them is just magical, isn't it?

I got to spend the Holiday's this year with my family in St George. It was a warmer Christmas than usual, and I missed the snow, but I didn't miss out on my family time which is what matters most. 

With the New Year approaching, I thought it would be best to dedicate this post to a couple of things. 

~~~

First off, I want to take the time to remember a very special man that left our lives 4 years ago yesterday. I can't believe it's been 4 years already. I feel like so much has changed, while at the same time--everything feels just the same! I miss him every day, and think about him just as much. I know he watches over us and puts special people in our lives to remind us of him, and tangibly feel him. 

I was really close to Matt, so it was really hard for me to lose him. And, when my mom began dating again, I was a bit learly to let someone new in. However, this break I had the opportunity to really bond with the latest addition to our family--Paul. 

Now, he's been there for a while, and we've always gotten along, but those few days I stayed with him and Mom I saw first hand just how truly lucky Mom really is. He treats her like every woman should be treated, just like Matt did. He makes us giggle just like Matt did. He is so easy to tease, and is quick on the return just like Matt was. 

It really feels as if Matt stuck him right in my Mom's and our lifes at the right time and for the right reasons. Not only does he love my mom, but he loves us, and he shows us in the sweetest ways. 

So grateful! Thank you Matt for putting a piece of you in our lives. 

We love you and miss you always!

~~~

Secondly, I want to reflect on my year. I have had a couple friends come home from their missions in the past few months, and needless to say--it's been a little unnerving to be sitting there in the same chapel that you did 2 years ago and realizing that really the only major change in your life is half of your wardrobe is pretty freaky. I really started to feel pretty inadequate, and that I had all of these friends getting married, having babies, and returning from an honorable service to the Lord--and then there's just me.

What the heck have I done with my life? 

These past few weeks of the break I have had some awesome blessings come through, and some serious epiphanies. Of course things have changed for me in two years! I am a completely different person. I have fallen, scraped up my pride a little, bruised my heart, but i'm alive. 

The scrapes heal, the bruises lose color. 

Life. Goes. On. 

Really right under our noses, too. We don't realize our accomplishments enough, and so this year, along with my resolutions, I am making a list of the things that I have overcome. The experiences that have shaped me, and caused growth in my life. 

I am going to be grateful for the mishaps along with the miracles, the heartbreaks along with the heart warmers, and the friend lost with the friends gained. 

I am going to anticipate the New Year with ALL that it brings me. No matter what!

It's important to start over, yes, with new goals and anticipations. However, we need to remember the things that maybe hurt a little, but helped a lot in the long run. 

Here's to a fresh start because of the old shaping the new!!

You Humble Me, Lord.

They call this time in our lives "The Decade of Decisions".

How true that is. Never before in my 20 years of life have I been faced with more decisions, let-downs, confusion, heart break, and set backs than in this last year of my life. 

I have been truly molded to what my Heavenly Father knows is the best shape I should be, and I have been humbled in more ways than I ever knew possible. 

And guess what? I am SO eternally grateful for these lessons. 

I sat today and just sort of reflected on the past few months of my life. Went through old photos, read old journal entries and blog posts, and I realized amongst all of the humbling that has gone on in my life, there are so many more of the blessings. 

I have been stressing pretty bad these past couple of weeks with finals and grades, and also making sure I meet specific requirements for school. 

It got to a point the other day that I was so frustrated with the seemingly bleak situation I had in front of me that I began to doubt myself. --

Why can't I get the grades I feel like I deserve? Why can't I find a boy to marry? Why can't I get rid of those last few pounds that seem cemented on? 

Why don't I have all of the answers I feel like I need, right now?

After what seemed like endless breakdowns, I finally did what I had needed to do all along; put it in my Heavenly Father's hands. This is a lesson that has been very hard for me to do my whole life. I've always wanted to be in control, and doing what I felt is best. Obviously, I don't know what that is, and the many humbling events that have taken place these past few months have been a reminder of just that.

The result came to me today when I logged on to look at my final grades from this semester. Not only had I been able to pass, but whole letter grades were different than I had expected. My GPA had been raised a good amount, leaving no more room for anxiety and doubt.

I bear testimony that the only reason this happened, was a direct result of my faith in my Heavenly Father. The feeling that overcame me as I looked at that transcript was directly from my Father in Heaven.

"I love you," he seemed to say. "I know you personally, and your desires are important to me. You deserve this, Jessica." 

Through that feeling, every other doubt that had been weighing on my mind was silenced. Of course He hears my prayers. How could He not know me? 

As I flicked past those pictures, journal entries, and blog posts today-I had no doubt in my mind that every experience, heartbreak, confusion, or let down that has affected me has been for a reason. 

There is no such thing as a coincidence. But do you know what there is such thing as?-

Our Heavenly Father's love for each and every one of us. 

Truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart

No matter how hard you resist it
It never rains when you want it to

You humble me Lord

-Norah Jones

Alfie Boe is my boyfriend.

So let me just say that I LOVE Christmas.

This last Friday Spence had an extra ticket to the Mormon Tabernacle Christmas concert with Alfie Boe as a host.

For those of you who don't know who Alfie Boe is; he's a delicious british man who plays Jean Valjean in the 25th Anniversary Edition of Les Miserables. He can sing like an angel and looks like he sings. 

Anyway, it was the best concert I have been to. Towards the end of the concert, Tom Brokhaw came out to tell a story about an American pilot during WWII known as "The Candy Bomber" or "Uncle Wigglywings". He delivered candy to the children of Berlin via white parachutes. After the story, Hal Halversen himself (the "Candy Bomber") was there in the flesh, complete with our own white parachutes that fell from the ceiling. 

Seriously, the neatest stinking concert i've been to.

Afterwards Spence and I went to Deseret Book and met Alfie Boe in the flesh. And guess what? He's even sexier up close.

I love Spence for taking me!! It was a blast! 

I love this Gospel. I love that all different types of people from all over the world will come and sing with our choir, and can feel the spirit radiate. 

Also, I love Les Mis, and I cannot wait to see the new one!

Merry Tabernacle Christmas!!

It's not a Merry Christmas till the Finals have been taken.

Finals week=miserable. 

The worst feeling in the world is when you spend 7 hours in the library, and come home and feel as if you can't remember anything you just learned. 

Merrrrp. 

 The one happy part of finals week was my assignment today. 

I wrote kind of a cool paper today for my Stress Management class. I had to reflect on the things I've learned about myself and the main stressors in my life this semester. It ended up being pretty neat taking that time to really reflect on my life and all of the things that i've worked on and changed this semester.

It's crazy how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back--everything is different. 

It's good different, though. 

On the subject of  changes; this weekend I had the opportunity of shoving two full size walk in closets and stuffed rooms into one. It's a good thing we love our dear Mckenna because this was not an easy task. Our poor guy friends that helped us haul in way too much crap had to listen to us justify every article of clothing we needed to keep. 

I think the both of us received more disgusted looks that night than ever. 

Should I throw away my hospital socks? Probably. But what if I get invited to a hospital party? 

And NO I cannot take home my "summer" clothes, because I need them to layer with my fall clothes for the winter! 

Duh.

Best part? Camille got rid of a good box of clothes to clear out her closet and guess where half of them went? 

My closet. :)

hahahahahahahaha

Also, the amount of money we're saving a month due to sharing a room can result in more retail purchasing :)

Yeah. We have a slight problem. 

If you are a female in need of date attire, our closet is your one stop shop. 

On another note, our 2nd Annual Ugly Sweater Party was yesterday!

 We had quite the turn out complete with a yummy popcorn bar, hot chocolate topping station, photo booth with a professional photographer and our good friend Beth :), and plenty of festive decorations. 

Pictures are coming soon! 

I had so much fun hosting with two of my favorite gals, and seeing lots of familiar faces! College is just too fun!

Hopefully I can get through this dreaded finals week, and onto the fun filled festivities to come! 

I am traveling south for the Christmas holiday, and then on over to Colorado for New Years and the week to follow!

 I may even brave the slopes again. Maybe. 

Anyway, Happy Finals everyone!

Blog Break

I'm major sucking a blogging lately. I find myself having way too many things to blog about, and then having to choose one. 

That's not the point of blogging! I need to be better at it. 

It could have something to do with the fact that I am being bogged down with school lately. Finals are coming up, and it's crunch time. 

Kill me. 

Anyway, my Thanksgiving break was crazy. With family, things are always crazy. I didn't spend it with either of my immediate parents this year, which was weird. However, I found myself bonding with my extended family more than I ever have, and I had a fab time. 

Have you ever heard the expression "Too many Chiefs and not enough Indians"? That is my family to a T. We have enough strong personalities mixed in to run a country. 

Regardless, they're a pretty good time i'd say.

So last night I had a catch up with some of my really good friends. As I was explaining to them how my week had been going, and all of the family, and personal life drama it hit me how over it I had seemed. 

After about a year of sulking about a break up, and letting family drama cripple my happiness, I finally realized how well my scars had healed, and how callused (in a good way) I have become. 

I had some extended family members pay me some pretty high compliments this weekend, and it gave me an opportunity to see how others see me. This is something I often pray for, because i'm usually pretty hard on myself. We all are. 

Anyway, I didn't realize how much of answer to my prayers in ended up being. I had many different strong opinions and personalities circulating around me and through it all, I could feel that quiet, sweet love from my Heavenly Father. 

Truly neat. 

Anyway, i'm back to the grind, but I needed a blog break! :)

Happy upcoming finals to you all, and an even happier upcoming Holiday Season! :)

Momentary rant.

So when your teachers cancel your classes for the week, life can get pretty boring. 

Also, i'm recovering from that hike still, and walking isn't exactly my first choice today. 

Some things have been on my mind quite a bit lately. Recently I found out some pretty big family news that has put quite the sour taste in my mouth.

In fact, it has taken everything in me to not storm home, yell my (what I feel is right) opinion and micromanage everyone's lives. Doesn't everyone just know that i'm right? Can't they just understand that my ways of them living their lives is the right way?

Geez.
Of course this is all just me ranting, and not REALLY how I feel (mostly), but still.

This has been made apparent over and over again so far this year. What with my last escapade of me thinking I know what is best for me and not listening to anyone or anything that would differ from my opinion, it is all starting to make sense.

I have been slapped in the face repeatably with the fact that my plan is not my Heavenly Father's. He knows what's best for all of His children, not me.

Humble Shmumble, right?

Anyway, my point I guess is that I know that the Lord does EVERYTHING for a reason. Truly. And that i'm really just wasting time and energy trying to live everyone's lives for them. They go through things for specific reasons. To learn and grow, just like I do.

Merp.

I guess it's good that life isn't easy. Wouldn't that be so boring?? 

How Great Thou Art

Man, I feel like this month has seriously FLOWN by. I was on my school web page earlier looking at assignments that were just graded that I barely turned in the end of October. It felt like it was yesterday!

 

On that note, I also realized how sucky i've been at the whole blogging thing lately. School has been seriously kicking my butt, and i'm not even to finals yet. 

So this post is dedicated to a couple of things. 

First and foremost, my introduction of Les Miserables. 

I am just going to start with; WOW. I have been putting off seeing this play pretty much my whole young adult life, because I was sick and tired of reading dead French guys plays in English. Slowly, however, I have grown up, and realized the amazing meanings behind them. 

Scarlet Pimpernel? Hello. One of my faves. 

However, I finally let some of my friends convince me to get acquainted with Les Mis, seeing as how the movie is coming out over Christmas. 

We started with the Liam Neeson version first so I could familiarize myself with the story line. The absolutely INCREDIBLE story line. However, I didn't understand the hype. To me it was just a clever, feel good story line with some good action in it. 

That was until, I watched the 25th anniversary Broadway edition and was introduced to the best part; the music. Never have I felt the spirit more in a streamlined production. 

I fell in love. 

I have officially jumped on the bandwagon of the freaking-outness of this upcoming movie. 

Yeah...don't put me down for cardio.

This week my roommates and I have started a eating and exercising plan. It's been great for me to write it for practice, especially because that's what I want to do with my life.

If I ever get to my life. Merp.

Anyway, it's been so fun! What's been the best I think is seeing their reactions to what you can actually eat and still be healthy about.

My favorite was on Monday when I tried my darnedest to get them to our first session of working out.
If you've seen Pitch Perfect yet (which I TOTALLY recommend because it's hilarious) then you'll know about Fat Amy.

Well, Fat Amy doesn't like cardio. Nor any type of workout. In fact, there's a line in there where she tells everyone that she's going to "run horizontally"

Yeah, this is what I had to work with on Monday. To be fair though, they've been great sports. Even when they can't walk the next day. :)

I can't wait till they start seeing their own results. Hoping they get them and it's because I know what i'm talking about.
That's yet to be proven.

On another note-I am really glad that the holiday's are coming up, because I am missing my family oodles. This next weekend a group of us are driving down to St. George to hike Angel's Landing and get out of town. I can't wait to see my mommy. :)

However, walking into Lee's AND Kneader's this past week and seeing BOTH of them concede to early holiday decorating and even Christmas music made me a little disappointed.

The Holiday's are like going to Disneyland. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, you want to cherish and enjoy every minute of them. Now, how am I supposed to do that when everyone is trying to skip Thanksgiving?!

Get real people.
Happy Turkey Days.

and breatttthhhheee.

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That is how I feel today.

I spent 11 hours planted in the library yesterday with an hour mac -n- cheese break. 

I had 2 tests, two assignments, and an online discussion to do within these two days. Not to mention-I have a lot riding on this semester and getting good grades. 

Due to my lacking ability to test well-i've  been struggling a tad thus far. I seriously have had so much stress these past two days that I felt like it could be my wedding day, close family funeral, and the Colorado Rockies making it to the Series again. 

Fwef. I am so burnt out. I think it's time for a vacation. Or some comforting straight up Carbohydrates. 

I could go release my stress with the gym-but today, I just simply can't.

I'll take some ice cream and sweat pants rather than bike shorts and a water bottle.

It's crazy how one can be SO stressed and miserable one minute, and then by a stroke of magic-we're okay again. Our batteries are re-charged, life's catastrophes of yesterday are now today's finish lines.

Now granted, i'm not recharged yet--that'll take a few days. However, I know that I can be again. 

Life's a blessing. Especially when ice cream is involved. 

A four letter word.

One of my classes this semester is a 3400 level course called "Stress Management". 

I know what you're thinking. Ha Ha, Jess could SURE use that class! Well, you're right. It's been great. 

Last weekend I was reading the chapters to prepare for a quiz and there was a whole chapter called "The Psychology of Stress". There were sections all through the chapter relating all sorts of things we all endure to stress. They had a section of worrying, guilt, the stages of grief, ect. 

I got to the section entitled "The Lessons of Self Love" and I felt like it was scripture speaking right to me. 

"Love, as a viable motivational force and healing tool [that] has recently moved out of the anthologies of poetry and Hollywood cinema and into classrooms, corporate board rooms and operating rooms.--Love is now recognized as a powerful inner resources much too important to ignore." 

I have been told that love is the strongest emotion we feel. There is a reason for that. Heavenly Father did not create such a feeling to just mainly hurt us, or elate us, or inspire us. He created it to do all of those things and more. 

The chapter goes on to explain why self love is important, how it relates to self esteem and how it can destroy us if we let it, like anything else. 

Not unlike many, I too have had my heart broken. I have looked Love in the face and had it ripped out from right underneath me. I blamed the emotion itself. I hated it. I thought, how can something that is supposed to be SO great cause me SO much pain?  

Despite fairy-tale endings in which love conquers all with relative ease, love takes much work. Continuous work. 

I thought that once I found it that everything would just magically fall into place. Two plus two would always equal four, and the puzzle pieces would fit all the time, and into all of the right places. 

I learned through what I thought was losing love, however, that sometimes two plus two equals five, and puzzles are really hard to finish. 

BUT, just because love isn't what you think it should be-doesn't mean it's not what it's supposed to be for you in that exact time and place. I didn't lose love. I gained a different version of it. 

"Love is Love"-says Dr. Buscaglia, "For love and the self are one, and the discovery of either is the realization of both."

When I read this, I couldn't believe how true that rang to me. You hear all the time how we have to learn how to love ourselves before we can love another. We have to understand what love means to us before we can explain it to anyone else. 

I believe that with self love brings the ability of love unconditionally to ones self, and to others. One cannot give what one does not possess. To give love, you have to possess love. 

Love left unattended becomes bitter, angry, and misunderstood. 

I know this, because I let it. 

I'm not saying i'm perfect when it comes to loving, because I am definitely not. I still have to learn to love myself, and those around me that make it really hard. However, when practiced, made apparent, and nurtured-love grows. It grows in places you never would have thought it so. 

I think a lot of us just think that love is a fairy-tale. Part of that is so true. Love can heal disease, broken hearts, and is the reason for so many deserved second chances.

Yet, It can also come with just being a good friend even though you want more.It can come as a listening ear when you would rather be doing anything but.  It can be shown by showing up when you had better things to do, or taking out the trash, even if it wasn't your turn. 

It is shown through sacrifice, through acts of service, and even can be disguised as other strong emotions like fear and anger. Love drives us. 

It's why our Savior did what He did so we could live with the knowledge of the emotion. Even more than that--so we knew what it was like to feel it. 

I love you. Know that. Let it drive you today. 

YOLO ya'll.

This weekend was anxiously anticipated with a lot of things I was responsible for. 

After working a long Friday night, I woke up Saturday morning to meet up with my 2nd counselor and his wife to buy and gather food for our huge Parent Day linger longer this weekend. 

Stressed? 

Yeah.

I woke up early this morning to preheat 9 ovens to cook 20 lasagnas.

 Thanks to all of the residents of Cobble Creek for letting me creep in early early!!

The relay team that collected them when they were done, and those that sacrificed their Sunday School time to butter garlic bread were literally my saving grace. Can't forget my incredible roommates, neighbors and friends that stayed up late with me Saturday night cutting french bread (and our hands) and woke early this morning to help me preheat ovens.

Man, you should have seen it. It was one for the books. 

Needless to say--it was a success. There was a slight scare about not having enough food towards the end thanks to some very unwelcome crashers, (I will find you) but it ended up being just right! 

Oh, and let's not forget my adorable Gram who didn't quite know what she signed up for by accompanying me today, however ended up being a huge rockstar of a help.

All in all-i'd say a solid day. I love the incredible people that surround me.

Creating memories.

Lately I've had the opportunity to do some serious reflecting on my life. Conference this past weekend was perfection for just this. For the first time in my whole life ever-I made it a priority to sit and watch, listen, and take note on every session of this General Conference. 

It wasn't hard, I must add with amazing friends as my wonderful influences. Toni, Em and I drove down Saturday morning and arrived to a homey living room with overstuffed chairs, and a lovely big screen TV to enjoy our counsel with style :). Courtesy of the Frampton household. :) Afterwards we met up with our favorite married couple (Britt and Andy) for some Buffalo Wild Wings. It's new to Davis county and Toni has been raving about it since I've known her. Needless to say-it was a big deal. 

Following our lunch, Toni and I drove up to Ogden to watch the afternoon session at the Donney household. We enjoyed the talks, and felt the undeniable spirit. Without missing a beat-it was then it was off to the Naegle home for dinner, crafts, social hour, donuts, and let's not forget some hair styling. 

I wish I had the picture's of the finished product of our makeovers, courtesy of the cutest 6 year old I know. We looked like a 90's girl band. It was awesome. 

Later that night we drove back to Britt and Andy's, watched scary movies, ate chocolate, and I enjoyed a first class pedicure by Mrs. Donney herself. 

Early the next morning we drove back up to Logan to enjoy breakfast and the next two sessions in our own homes. The love and warmth that radiated through it with the familiar faces and warm food just accentuated the spirit even further. 

It was flawlessness

. Oh, and let's not forget the 4 playoff games that followed that was just a cherry on top. :)

My cute friend Jenn blogged the other day about moments. Moments in our lives that define us, and moments in our lives that we wish to never forget. 

I caught myself this weekend numerous times looking around me at all of the incredible people in my life. I watched how we all interacted with such love. Each one of us contributing to the moment. Everything from the music playing on the drive down-to the syrup on the pancakes the next morning transcribed onto these beautiful memories. 

Often times I've wished that I had a pensive to store my frosty memories in small jars,bringing them out when I have a lesson to teach, or I want a little trip down memory lane. 

Then a song comes on the radio, or a joke is told that brings me back to all of the special times I've been a part of. I taste something that makes me think of my first kiss, or the first time I cried over a boy. 

I'll simply look around me at the incredible people that are in my life-and with them I remember that with all of the experiences I've had whether they be great ones, or kind of crap ones, the most important thing of all sticks out in my overstuffed memory

--I am truly blessed. 

Angels Among Us.

 Last night I had an amazing group of beautiful ladies show me their incredible love, their undying support and complete selflessness. This last week has been a bit of a rough one, and I found myself in the middle of it all last week expressing my doubts, struggles and tears to these listening ears and loving faces.
I wasn't aware of how close they had listened until last night. I sat at a table with these astonishing girls as they took their own turn in expressing their love and support of me.

The tears poured. I felt so incredibly loved, appreciated, and supported. My family was all right there. Looking back at me with watery eyes and brilliant smiles as every word that crossed my mind wasn't even nearly sufficient to express my love and gratitude back.

I felt my Heavenly Father's love SO strong through these angels. I know they were truly inspired. As I sit here and write this my cheeks are wet and my heart is full. Never have I thought I would be so blessed to have these extraordinary sisters at my side when life gets hard.

"Maybe girlfriends are our true Soul mates and men are just the people we have fun with"
-Candace Bushnell, Sex and the City

With the help of these ladies, I will never doubt how loved I am again.

You are all my angels. Thanks for dusting me off and propping me back up again. 

Tagged! :)

TAGGED!! :)

The rules are as follows:

1::Each person tagged must post 11 random facts about themselves

2::They must answer the 11 questions posted by the previous blogger

3::They must create 11 more questions to ask their tagged bloggers

4::They must tag 11 blogs with less than 200 followers

5::The bloggers must be told

6::No tag backs 

11 Random facts about myself:

1. I LOVE caramel apple suckers, crunchy leaves, candles, and sweaters. Fall anyone?

2. I have a secret love for dubstep. 

3. I am a very loud, animated person. You will know when i'm in a room with you. I don't know how to be quiet.

4. I hate library's, they make me hardcore anxious.

5. I love Jersey Shore. Obsessed with it actually. Don't judge. 

6. I played the violin all growing up, and can thoroughly enjoy a good Symphony. 

7. I crack on Theater majors like it's my day job--but I love plays. 

8. I have a slightly large dirty type of humor. This results in being the perma-best friend. I'm the girl the guys fart on and tell penis jokes too. Yay.

9. I would much rather drink my water with an umbrella and fancy straw sticking out of it. I like to add fancy fun to the simple things in life. 

10. I can be the most insecure person you'll ever meet, but I hate showing it. 

11. I will be throwing a party for the World Series because I love baseball more than anything. 

Questions from Jenn to me: 

1:: What is your favorite movie soundtrack? Shoot, that's really hard. If you know me-you know i'm obsessed with movies. Hmm... probably the Juno Soundtrack. 

2::What is your favorite go-to pair of shoes?  Why? My moccasins. They're comfy, go with pretty much everything I own-and I like being called a hipster. :) I take it as a compliment.

3::What is your biggest guilty pleasure? Jersey Shore. It's a problem. I follow them on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. I watched all of the seasons and I can't wait for the last one to come. :)

4::What's your favorite smell in the entire world? A boy type smell. It just does it for me. 

5::If you could take ANY class, what would it be?  (get creative) Honestly? An intro to fashion design. I secretly love fashion and putting things together. It would be a lot of fun for me I feel. 

6::What is your all time favorite junk food? Ruffled potato chips and french onion dip. AND symphony bars. No! chocolate covered cinnamon bears. OOOoooh, no bake cookies. Gosh... just hand me all of it!! 

7::What is your favorite day?  (Could be day of week, holiday ect...) The 4th of July. The mix between the hot summer day, partiotism, popsicles, fried foods, playing catch and the park, the magic and unexpectancy the day entails, and the summer night that usually involves cuddling and watching fireworks. I could live it everyday. 

8::I often say that many things are a "nightmare."  Explain what your absolute worst nightmare would be. Going blind or deaf. 

9:: If you got to live any love story (from history, movies, books ect) which one would you choose? The Notebook. Is that cliche? The passion is incredible and the love sees no limits. 

10:: As of right now, what is your number one personal goal and career goal. To graduate college in what I love doing, and to truly find and be happy with myself. 

11:: List one thing you wish you had the guts to do right now. Walk up and smack (very hard) a certain someone. 

My questions for you:

1. The meanest thing you have ever done. 

2. A form of media (song, movie, ect) that has changed something vast in your life.

3. Best kiss you've ever had.

4. Favorite smell?

5. Guilty pleasure.

6. If you could choose anything you wanted right now-what would it be?

7. If you could pick one person to spend the rest of your life with (just you and them on the planet) at this moment, who would it be? (it can be anyone)

8. Pick a food you'd eat every day for the rest of your life.

9. Biggest pet peave.

10. Biggest fear.

11. What do you do to relax?

Please answer them and then pass it on! I want to get to know my friends better! :)

When life gives you rotten potatoes-find some ice cream. :)

Let me just take this moment to say:

I just kicked my Physiology tests butt. 

Holla!!

Nothing feels better than knowing you studied your hardest and tried your best. Especially in a subject that isn't exactly your forte. 

Yesterday was like, one of the worst days of my life. 

One thing after another went wrong, people who are supposed to love me hurt me the very worst, and I ended up accidentally killing someone's windshield. Good thing he was a huge stud about it. 

Amidst all of this going on--I still had to make sure I was completely ready for my Phys test today. Talk about some serious life juggling. 

I said a lot of prayers, took a drive, bought myself something fattening, and afterwards had the strength I needed to finish studying. 

Oh yeah, and once again-I have the most amazing, consistent, loving, and uplifting friends anyone could ask for. They have been one of the only consistent things in my life, and for that I am eternally grateful. 

I woke up this morning to breakfast and a good luck note, stayed up last night with a stud who helped me study despite his tiredness, and had plenty of hugs and encouragement to go around. 

Friends=family. I've said it before, i'll bear testimony of it now, and I will maintain this view on if for as long as I live i'm pretty sure.

My heart is full, my tummy is satisfied, and my brain is on pause. :)

I hope everyone else's day is a wonderful one!

Rant--over. :)

So here's the thing: I need to vent. 

That's what these things are for, right? 

Physiology is hard. My brain wants to just shut down--and i'm not even close to being ready for my exam next Tuesday. Eff..

I'm sitting in my apartments' laundry room using the internet connection because after many phone calls to our managers and the IT guy-the internet still doesn't work for me in the comfort of my own apartment. Slutty.

Online classes are STUPID. Forgive my lack of creative synonyms, but i'm just too over it to care. I have had to write my "professors" numerous amounts of times because either my quizzes won't open, won't submit, or I've been locked out of them for who knows why. Needless to say, this will be my last semester taking them if I can help it.  

Eating healthy and exercising isn't fun. I mean--okay. It's good for me, which in turn could make it fun I guess. If you want to have a good attitude about it anyway. But I know for a fact that my neighbors have hundreds of homemade cinnamon rolls just waiting for me to come and eat, and my stupid self control is getting in the way.

ANNOYED.

Weekends are far away when Monday comes and then they are only 3 days long. Annnnd because I work at the bottom of the totem pole as a "table hostess", my weekends consist of making other peoples weekends enjoyable by serving them so THEY get to relax. 

Twisted? yeah. 

Okay--rant over. 

I am super grateful for a lot of things though, and have incredible people that surround me. I had been thinking this Summer about not moving back up this Semester. Money was tight, things were stressful, and it would have definitely just been the easy way out.

Thanks to a great friend who reminded me that remaining stagnant was not progressing and i'm on this earth to progress, I decided to ignore my reasons for doubt and came up anyway.

Such a blessing. I do miss my friends back home and my family though. 

Love you all!

The other night I had yet another DMC (for those not familiar with the term, it's a Deep Meaningful Conversation--use it. love it.) with my great friend. He reminded me why I was up here and also made a point to tell me that he was very grateful for it as well.

Warmed my heart. I love that boy. 

Man, do I feel better! It's crazy how in just a few minutes of getting your frustrations out can really make you stop and realize how grateful you really should be for all of the incredible blessings in your life. 

Plus, i'm rockin' my bicycle skirt today, had a delicious mac-n-cheese lean cuisine for lunch, caught up on my shows, and have plenty of time to get some solid study time in. I'd say those are all definite WINS.

Hope you can all enjoy a happy Thursday with me! :)

Just a little catch up!

This world--it's a small one. It's crazy how prayers are answered in the funniest of ways. I had an enlightening experience a few days ago. It helped me tie up some serious loose ends and truly helped me move on in more ways than one. 

Holler for blessings. 

Today I was able to spend the day with the fam. We got to eat at The Garden restaurant up in the Joseph Smith Memorial building. 

INCREDIBLE! The food was alright, but the view and the company was by far supreme! 

This was followed by a tour of the Living Aquarium. SO much fun! I totally touched a sting ray AND a shark..yeah. 

After this we went to City Creek for a little...well...A lot of shopping on my part! I also ran into my friends from home which absolutely made my week! I miss them!! 

As I sit here and reflect on my long week, my crazy experiences that filled it, and my incredible friends and family members that have gotten me through it--I am feeling rather stinking blessed.

Can't wait for another crazy week ahead filled with more adventures!! 

Happy Weekend everyone! 

Strength in Category

So as most of you know I had knee surgery at the end of March. Talk about a humbling experience.

Guess what though? The humbling doesn't stop there. 

I'm an exercise science major and one of my required classes is a 'Dynamic Fitness' class. Basically it's this uber neat class where I attend a lecture once a week, and three times a week we do a group work out and record our heart rate, food entries, and monitor our fitness level. 

Today the workout was a 2 mile run. 

Am I alive?? ummm, barely. 

The thought that first flashed across my mind when she uttered the words 'run' was that of "oh. well shiz." Then, as she proceeded to tell us that it was a 2 mile run, up a montrosity of a hill (if you haven't seen the hills in Logan, picture Dr. Suess's "Oh The Places You'll Go" front cover) was;

"There is no way I can do this".

Not to mention I had to make up a day last night and drug two of my good friends with me. I could only do half the time they did in class, and I still felt like my lungs were bleeding and me knee was going to split into two. 

So in short-I was scared. 

We started our run and of course I slowly fell behind. Really behind. We're talking the last one in. 

Then-it was up the dreaded hill. All I could think about was how mad I was at  myself for letting my body fall behind everyone else. 

My heart and my lungs were ready to go, but my legs and my body were telling me a completely different story. I was SO frustrated. My mind kept yelling at my legs to "Go, GO!" 

Guess what? They weren't listening. 

I started saying prayer after prayer to help me catch up to everyone else, to please allow my legs to carry me through the run without stopping, and letting everyone else see how weak I was. 

It wasn't until mile two when that humbleness sank in once again.

 I realized that my heart and my lungs were willing-That in my mind I was completely in shape to finish this run. However, my body just wasn't strong enough, and that I had to do what I could, and realize that my legs would catch up to my heart with due time and proper healing.

This got me to thinking. Isn't this how it is in almost every life situation? Sometimes our heart is in the right place and we're ready to go and take on a huge challenge or trial, but physically- we just can't. 

Or on the other hand, our legs are ready to run! They want to take it on head strong, but our heart is just too wary. 

It's important to have all of our health triangle up to par, however-life isn't picture perfect and sometimes we're going to do better at one category than another. 

And do you know what? 

It's OKAY. 

It's part of the plan to fail. Just like it's part of the plan to succeed.

The Lord is very aware of us and aware of our strengths and weaknesses. 

And sometimes it's only through him that we can make it through those last few paces, last couple of minutes, or last sane moment.

Through Him, our hearts, legs, lungs, and mind can be ever strong once again. 

Thursday's updates.

Man alive! School is definitely in session! It's only week two and I feel as if i've already been in school for half of a semester. 

Today I finally got all of my classes finalized and figured out. I know, right? It took me till week two to do that? Well-here's the thing. The classes for my major are like near impossible to get into. Ridiculous. 

I've been in the process of trying to find a new job. Let me just tell you if you're not a Loganite currently; it's pretty much like the luck of the draw to find a job up here. I love good old Gia's, but it's time for some consistency. 

Speaking of which, this semester i've been turning over a new leaf so to speak in the consistency category. I have to get my butt in gear to make sure I get great grades this semester. Not just "good" grades-GREAT grades. I'm still trying to find study habits that work for me-and ways that I can be completely successful in my academics. It's kind of a rough go. Wish me luck. 

Success is needed in all categories of life, however, and so the strive for perfection is underway. I have a great class that allows me to get back into shape and keep track of my progress. I got called to Linger Longer Co Chair, and i'm looking forward to being involved in the ward again this year :).

STOKED!

The wallet has been a bit on the slim side these days, as i'm sure it is for most students returning to school with all of those major expenses that just wipe us clean. However, blessings come when they're needed and i'm surviving. 

(sometimes your best friend surprises you with groceries and you want to cry, a lot.)

I've been having the usual struggles most young adults deal with:

When am I gonna get married? Why am I not going on dates? Why do I SUCK at school? 

Here's the thing-I don't suck at school, dating is not under my control, and  NEWS FLASH!!:

I'm only 20 bloody years old. 

I had a great friend give my some wisdom last night who's an "older" gentlemen for Utah standards.

 "You know what, I know i'm 24 and most guys my age are married, but I know that there is someone out there for me-and when the time is right, i'll find her."

It was so refreshing to hear a boy say that. To hear a BOY voice the same types of concerns I had, yet relay some hope and wisdom. 

Love it. 

Update!: My mom was able to come and visit this past Labor Day weekend. What a blessing that was!It was so good to spend some one on one time with her and show her what a day in the life of Jess is like. We rented dumb scary movies, pigged out on healthy snacks, made a haul at the farmers market, and did some thrift shopping to furnish Le Apartment. She also got to come to work with  me for a bit! 

I am so lucky to have someone in my life that can be my best friend and mother all in one. She's had a rough go these past few months, and it was so good to see her progress and her positive life outlook. I can always count on her to counsel me on being positive, choosing my own day, and quitting my whining and sometimes just having to buck up. She's my hero in so many ways. She needs to know that. 

Love you Mommy.

Amateur Wisdom for Wednesday.

So you know those days where you feel like life lessons are just falling from the sky and hitting you on the head?? 

Well, i've had one of those like..weeks. 

Don't get me wrong. I am so grateful for it. The nuggets of wisdom that have been thrown in my path have definitely caused me to really reflect on my life.

Today I had a really long talk with someone very close to me. In this discussion- things were pointed out to me that I never realized myself. Not all of them were good either. 

It was then that it hit me that without people in your life, whether they be a good influence, a bad influence, or sometimes just a pain in the butt-what they have to tell you and the advice they have to give is often very much worth listening to. 

This said person in my life has definitely been the source of some serious blow outs, hurt feelings, and anger-but in the end, love conquers all. 

 I know what some of you are thinking-and it's not who you're thinking. 

It says in my Patriarchal blessing that those closest to us can be responsible for some of the most abundant of joy -but it is these same people that can cause us some of the worst heart aches. 

I've realized through these people that sometimes we are mean't to have heartache. That without it-we wouldn't be able to as easily recognize the contrast. That without people in our lives to point out the bad, rag on the good, and bring us down-we wouldn't have the opportunity to be lifted right back up. Not to mention showing us how abundant our blessings really are- and we often just don't seem to recognize them. 

Probably now you're thinking: Weird. Mean't to have heartache? You've lost it Jess. 

But really, think about it. Without Christ suffering for us all (the heartache) He wouldn't have been able to show us His infinite love. (the blessing) 

These past few months have provided some pretty vast learning experiences for my young soul. One of which is just that. I am YOUNG. and my soul has A LOT of learning to do. Why would I want to rush it? Just like you can't cram for a test and remember the material an hour past it-the same is such in our own lives. You can't cram for life. Just because you see other people doing what you view as succeeding, doesn't mean they're not learning their own form of lessons. 

Side note: running a mile after you haven't in like...5 months is hard. 

But- we can all do hard things. :)

Oh, Monday.

Day 1 back=success!!

Turns out I only have one class Mon, Wed, Fri and it's an exercise class. Holla!! Oh, and Institue; so I guess two. 

My room is just about unpacked and decorated. 

I guess that I have a lot of clothes?? Who knew. 

It feels so good to be back up here. I just couldn't peel myself off of campus today. I found myself finding things that I could go do, just so I could stay up there. 

Some great friends and old neighbors came by today, so that was a win. 

We also went around and met all of our new neighbors last night. So far, so good. 

It's gonna be a good year, folks. Can't wait! :) 

Went to the new ward on Sunday, and the lessons were just hitting me like a ton of bricks. That Holy Ghost guy, yeah he knows what's up. 

With a new year comes plenty of apprehensions, lots of stress, and a good amount of fear. Not to mention there's a whole new set of boys you've got to impress, and the tools you've got to avoid. You've got classes and a social life to balance, and let's not forget a job to fit in there. Oh, and sleep. It's really easy to let things get out of hand, and start unwinding into a mess that you can't control.

We talked in Relief Society about how we can look at our trials as learning situations. We can complain and whine all we want- but not trusting that your trials are from the Lord is like not trusting in yourself-or your future. We don't really know what we need. We know what we want, and we know that we can break ourselves trying to make the situations work out, or we can just have faith that Heavenly Father knows what we NEED, and He's going to do everything He can to make sure we get it. 

DON'T COMPLAIN when life doesn't turn out the way WE think it should be going. Nothing drives away the spirit more than murmuring. 

They teach you in sports that the more criticism your delivered, the more you're yelled at, and the harder your coach is on you is a result of them seeing the athlete-or in this case-the person you are capable of. If the Lord didn't care about us, or didn't want us to be happy-He would leave us alone. We would have no trials whatsoever. 

But with a little rain comes a rainbow. Even if they're a little weak and brief. It's still worth the beauty.

So yeah, I had a lot of epiphany's this last weekend. I'm feelin' pretty good about what I learned, and i'm feeling really good about how I'm going to make this Semester. 

Good. I'm gonna make it good. 

Utah State, HEY Aggies all the way! Go Aggies, Go Aggies! HEY! HEY! HEY! 

Okay, got it out of my system. Happy Monday! :)

Rebuilding season

Well, the time has come folks. I move back up to Logan tomorrow.

Where the heck did Summer go? I swear I just moved home...time flies. 

I'm supposed to be packing today. Ask if me if i've made much of a dent into that process...

Yeah...no.

Although this summer flew past me without warning, as I look back on it-i'm reminded of all of the things I have learned. Last night I was talking with some good friends, and when it was my turn to do my own updating, the first thing that came to my mind was the phrase; "rebuilding season".

In sports, when a team gets a bunch of new players, or they gain a new coach, or something of this sort- they gain a phrase that we call in sports: "rebulding season". It's basically a glorified way of saying that the team is probably going to kind of really suck in the upcoming year, but it's because they're learning to work with their new players, coaches, and most of all, reshaping themselves as a team.

How is this any different than what we go through? Sure, most of the time we "rebuild" by ourselves and not really in the form of a team. But really, it's the same thing. We are our own team. Us and Heavenly Father.We have to be in the best shape possible to live our life. 

That's what this summer was all about for me. I had some new plays to learn, I had some polishing to do, and i'm still not done. You're never really done learning, growing, or perfecting that 

Swing-

or throw-

or...becoming the person you're going to be forever. 

'....And i'm learnin' who i've been, ain't who i've gotta be."

I've learned that there's "good in goodbye" for a reason. That I can't create my own future because it's already been created for me, and i'm simply here to do the best I can do to receive the amazing blessings promised to me. 

You want to know what's really cool? Heavenly Father put us here on the this earth to do one thing: live. Live to the best of our abilities-Live in the footsteps and example of Him.

Easy? no. Attainable? yes. 

Worth it in the end? I know so. 

A Dark Knight stole my heart

OOOOkayyy....So I have to jump on the band wagon and talk about The new Dark Knight movie. 

Amazing. Yet another shining example of good overcoming evil. The depth of that movie literally brought tears to my eyes. 

It may just be a silly hero movie, but maybe it's going to take just that to show us that one person can really make a difference in standing up for what they believe in. 

Even if it means fixing your broken back, crawling out of a hole and then taking on an army of bad guys with a bit of rust in your joints-it's the principle of the matter. Giving up your whole self to a cause in which you  believe in brings hope to even some of the lowest of low. 

Gosh. I just loved that movie. Oh, and let's not forget the eye candy we were able to enjoy. Always a bonus. 

To Good vs. Evil-- everywhere and always. 

Road Trip to Summer

Sometimes, life is really...crazy. I feel like we never take time for just ourselves. Europeans tell us "You're always going! You never take time to enjoy life! Whine and Dine yourselves!" 

It's true. I had a European tell me that once.

My point is, they're right. We don't. Especially when we're young. We're too busy trying to fit social protocols. Like;  when we need to go get married.

or, trying to hurry up and finish our degree. 

Maybe that's just me? Prolly not. 

What happened to living? 

This weekend, I got to do just that and drove out to Vernal to spend the weekend with a very good friend of mine. 

The drive was gorgeous. So peaceful, and scenic. Once I got there Chad didn't waste any time in showing me the sites. :) I turned off my phone, threw on some shorts, and off we went!

We hiked to some petroglyphs. (Indians are a big deal out there I guess) and then, because I didn't know this; we went and saw the DINOSAURS!!

Listen, this isn't your run of the mill, cutesy, let's dig up some plastic fossils in the sand pit (no offense Ogden). This is like, legitimately dinosaurs died here. There's a straight up HUGE park with allegedly a catrillion more dino's just buried in the rocks. Uber cool. 

THEN we hiked to some real life dino foot prints. (side note: YES! I hiked. I'm preforming a comeback, folks!) Let me just say that these footy prints were the real deal. And the lake was beautiful. We did some mild cliff jumping (well, me. Chad was a baby about it) and enjoyed the summer sun. 

Chad also took me on plenty of truck rides to see the sites of Vernal. Man, was there stuff to see! It was so pretty, and I couldn't help but stick my toes out the window, eat my sunflower seeds, and just enjoy the perfect summer moment. 

I can't believe we're almost to the end of it. I feel  like it just zoomed right past me. 

Can't forget the BBQ'n, bubblegum chewin', jam sesh'n, and hammock layin' events that followed. 

Perfect weekend.

In the midst of all of my summer haze, I got to thinkin' about my previously stated thought. If we all just took a little more time for ourselves and took in the world around us-I think we'd be surprised at how lucky we feel, happy we are, and content we become. 

Without even trying, I did a little healing this weekend. I healed my busy soul into a grateful one. I took my need for lists and stress and replaced them with bliss and relaxation. Throw in some good old fashioned fun, and you got yourself  what we call 

happiness folks. 

This is the last week before school. I plan to make the best of it, and then it's time to hit the books! (let's not forget the social agenda I have planned :))

Happy Sunday night everyone!