and breatttthhhheee.

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That is how I feel today.

I spent 11 hours planted in the library yesterday with an hour mac -n- cheese break. 

I had 2 tests, two assignments, and an online discussion to do within these two days. Not to mention-I have a lot riding on this semester and getting good grades. 

Due to my lacking ability to test well-i've  been struggling a tad thus far. I seriously have had so much stress these past two days that I felt like it could be my wedding day, close family funeral, and the Colorado Rockies making it to the Series again. 

Fwef. I am so burnt out. I think it's time for a vacation. Or some comforting straight up Carbohydrates. 

I could go release my stress with the gym-but today, I just simply can't.

I'll take some ice cream and sweat pants rather than bike shorts and a water bottle.

It's crazy how one can be SO stressed and miserable one minute, and then by a stroke of magic-we're okay again. Our batteries are re-charged, life's catastrophes of yesterday are now today's finish lines.

Now granted, i'm not recharged yet--that'll take a few days. However, I know that I can be again. 

Life's a blessing. Especially when ice cream is involved. 

A four letter word.

One of my classes this semester is a 3400 level course called "Stress Management". 

I know what you're thinking. Ha Ha, Jess could SURE use that class! Well, you're right. It's been great. 

Last weekend I was reading the chapters to prepare for a quiz and there was a whole chapter called "The Psychology of Stress". There were sections all through the chapter relating all sorts of things we all endure to stress. They had a section of worrying, guilt, the stages of grief, ect. 

I got to the section entitled "The Lessons of Self Love" and I felt like it was scripture speaking right to me. 

"Love, as a viable motivational force and healing tool [that] has recently moved out of the anthologies of poetry and Hollywood cinema and into classrooms, corporate board rooms and operating rooms.--Love is now recognized as a powerful inner resources much too important to ignore." 

I have been told that love is the strongest emotion we feel. There is a reason for that. Heavenly Father did not create such a feeling to just mainly hurt us, or elate us, or inspire us. He created it to do all of those things and more. 

The chapter goes on to explain why self love is important, how it relates to self esteem and how it can destroy us if we let it, like anything else. 

Not unlike many, I too have had my heart broken. I have looked Love in the face and had it ripped out from right underneath me. I blamed the emotion itself. I hated it. I thought, how can something that is supposed to be SO great cause me SO much pain?  

Despite fairy-tale endings in which love conquers all with relative ease, love takes much work. Continuous work. 

I thought that once I found it that everything would just magically fall into place. Two plus two would always equal four, and the puzzle pieces would fit all the time, and into all of the right places. 

I learned through what I thought was losing love, however, that sometimes two plus two equals five, and puzzles are really hard to finish. 

BUT, just because love isn't what you think it should be-doesn't mean it's not what it's supposed to be for you in that exact time and place. I didn't lose love. I gained a different version of it. 

"Love is Love"-says Dr. Buscaglia, "For love and the self are one, and the discovery of either is the realization of both."

When I read this, I couldn't believe how true that rang to me. You hear all the time how we have to learn how to love ourselves before we can love another. We have to understand what love means to us before we can explain it to anyone else. 

I believe that with self love brings the ability of love unconditionally to ones self, and to others. One cannot give what one does not possess. To give love, you have to possess love. 

Love left unattended becomes bitter, angry, and misunderstood. 

I know this, because I let it. 

I'm not saying i'm perfect when it comes to loving, because I am definitely not. I still have to learn to love myself, and those around me that make it really hard. However, when practiced, made apparent, and nurtured-love grows. It grows in places you never would have thought it so. 

I think a lot of us just think that love is a fairy-tale. Part of that is so true. Love can heal disease, broken hearts, and is the reason for so many deserved second chances.

Yet, It can also come with just being a good friend even though you want more.It can come as a listening ear when you would rather be doing anything but.  It can be shown by showing up when you had better things to do, or taking out the trash, even if it wasn't your turn. 

It is shown through sacrifice, through acts of service, and even can be disguised as other strong emotions like fear and anger. Love drives us. 

It's why our Savior did what He did so we could live with the knowledge of the emotion. Even more than that--so we knew what it was like to feel it. 

I love you. Know that. Let it drive you today. 

YOLO ya'll.

This weekend was anxiously anticipated with a lot of things I was responsible for. 

After working a long Friday night, I woke up Saturday morning to meet up with my 2nd counselor and his wife to buy and gather food for our huge Parent Day linger longer this weekend. 

Stressed? 

Yeah.

I woke up early this morning to preheat 9 ovens to cook 20 lasagnas.

 Thanks to all of the residents of Cobble Creek for letting me creep in early early!!

The relay team that collected them when they were done, and those that sacrificed their Sunday School time to butter garlic bread were literally my saving grace. Can't forget my incredible roommates, neighbors and friends that stayed up late with me Saturday night cutting french bread (and our hands) and woke early this morning to help me preheat ovens.

Man, you should have seen it. It was one for the books. 

Needless to say--it was a success. There was a slight scare about not having enough food towards the end thanks to some very unwelcome crashers, (I will find you) but it ended up being just right! 

Oh, and let's not forget my adorable Gram who didn't quite know what she signed up for by accompanying me today, however ended up being a huge rockstar of a help.

All in all-i'd say a solid day. I love the incredible people that surround me.

Creating memories.

Lately I've had the opportunity to do some serious reflecting on my life. Conference this past weekend was perfection for just this. For the first time in my whole life ever-I made it a priority to sit and watch, listen, and take note on every session of this General Conference. 

It wasn't hard, I must add with amazing friends as my wonderful influences. Toni, Em and I drove down Saturday morning and arrived to a homey living room with overstuffed chairs, and a lovely big screen TV to enjoy our counsel with style :). Courtesy of the Frampton household. :) Afterwards we met up with our favorite married couple (Britt and Andy) for some Buffalo Wild Wings. It's new to Davis county and Toni has been raving about it since I've known her. Needless to say-it was a big deal. 

Following our lunch, Toni and I drove up to Ogden to watch the afternoon session at the Donney household. We enjoyed the talks, and felt the undeniable spirit. Without missing a beat-it was then it was off to the Naegle home for dinner, crafts, social hour, donuts, and let's not forget some hair styling. 

I wish I had the picture's of the finished product of our makeovers, courtesy of the cutest 6 year old I know. We looked like a 90's girl band. It was awesome. 

Later that night we drove back to Britt and Andy's, watched scary movies, ate chocolate, and I enjoyed a first class pedicure by Mrs. Donney herself. 

Early the next morning we drove back up to Logan to enjoy breakfast and the next two sessions in our own homes. The love and warmth that radiated through it with the familiar faces and warm food just accentuated the spirit even further. 

It was flawlessness

. Oh, and let's not forget the 4 playoff games that followed that was just a cherry on top. :)

My cute friend Jenn blogged the other day about moments. Moments in our lives that define us, and moments in our lives that we wish to never forget. 

I caught myself this weekend numerous times looking around me at all of the incredible people in my life. I watched how we all interacted with such love. Each one of us contributing to the moment. Everything from the music playing on the drive down-to the syrup on the pancakes the next morning transcribed onto these beautiful memories. 

Often times I've wished that I had a pensive to store my frosty memories in small jars,bringing them out when I have a lesson to teach, or I want a little trip down memory lane. 

Then a song comes on the radio, or a joke is told that brings me back to all of the special times I've been a part of. I taste something that makes me think of my first kiss, or the first time I cried over a boy. 

I'll simply look around me at the incredible people that are in my life-and with them I remember that with all of the experiences I've had whether they be great ones, or kind of crap ones, the most important thing of all sticks out in my overstuffed memory

--I am truly blessed. 

Angels Among Us.

 Last night I had an amazing group of beautiful ladies show me their incredible love, their undying support and complete selflessness. This last week has been a bit of a rough one, and I found myself in the middle of it all last week expressing my doubts, struggles and tears to these listening ears and loving faces.
I wasn't aware of how close they had listened until last night. I sat at a table with these astonishing girls as they took their own turn in expressing their love and support of me.

The tears poured. I felt so incredibly loved, appreciated, and supported. My family was all right there. Looking back at me with watery eyes and brilliant smiles as every word that crossed my mind wasn't even nearly sufficient to express my love and gratitude back.

I felt my Heavenly Father's love SO strong through these angels. I know they were truly inspired. As I sit here and write this my cheeks are wet and my heart is full. Never have I thought I would be so blessed to have these extraordinary sisters at my side when life gets hard.

"Maybe girlfriends are our true Soul mates and men are just the people we have fun with"
-Candace Bushnell, Sex and the City

With the help of these ladies, I will never doubt how loved I am again.

You are all my angels. Thanks for dusting me off and propping me back up again.